squishy slugs
by huggerofbugs
Summary: Gimili hates slugs, and Legolas is evil.
1. Chapter 1

Dawn was breaking over the hills, in beautiful hues of purples, pinks and blues. Aragorn was helping the hobbits load their packs on the ponies. Legolas was saddling his own mount. Gimili sighed, pick up his pack and grabbed his axe. Feeling a squish under his thumb, he froze. Turning his gaze downward he saw a slug stuck between his axe and hand.

A scream like nothing anyone had heard before pierced the morning. A scream of pure terror. Legolas whirled, dropping his bed roll and putting an arrow to his bow in one flued movment, his eyes wide. Aragorn and Boromir drew their swords at the same moment, the hobbits all jumped. They all stared at the sight before them. There was Gimili, screaming bloody murder, swinging his axe wildly and doing what looked like a cross between an irish jig and a one man game of leap frog.

"Get it off! Get it off by thunder. Someone get it off!"

Legolas ran to him, ducking a swing at his head and grabbed the axe from Gimili's hand.

"What is it Gimili? What is wrong?"

Legolas was now on the ground in front of the panicked dwarf, the axe to the side, his hands on Gimili's shoulders. Gimili took three great heaving breaths and relaxed slightly.

"A slug!" He said looking slightly embarresed.

"A slug?" Legolas asked looking puzzled.

"Yes, a slug! Are you deaf? A horrible, slimy, squishy..."

Gimili switched into dwarfish at this point. Muttering far less flattering words than horrible, slimy and squishy.

Legolas grinned, suddenly understanding.

"So the great axe whielding, orc head splitting dwarf is afraid of something after all."He said, a smug smirk on his face.

Gimili shot him a glare that would have made milk curdle while it was still in the cow, and stomped away.

Gimili was in a sour mood the rest of the day, hardly speaking at all. Legolas on the other hand was in a very bright cheerful set of mind, whistling merry tunes under his breath. When they stopped for the night Gimili simply set up his bed roll, took his dinner and sat under a tree away from the group.

Soon after, Aragorn sat on watch, while everyone lay in their bed rolls.

"Good night." Pippin said.

"Sleep tight." Frodo responded.

"Don't let the bed slugs bite." Legolas finished.

" um.. Legolas? You know it's bed BUGS right?" Sam asked.

"Are you sure?" Legolas asked back, a snicker escaping his lips.

"LEGOLAS!" Gimili screamed.

Legolas giggled like a child as everyone else groaned.


	2. chapter 2

It was Aragorn's turn to cook dinner that night. Technicaly, it was Legolas's turn, but after last time, when all he had prepared was veggitables, they had all made a vow never to let him cook again. A person couldn't possibly live on plants alone. Though he certianly thought so. Dinner that particular day was rabbit stew and bread. They sat around the fire, Pippin and Merry were telling a story about them stealing apples from a farmer not far from their houses.

Gimili sat with his stew in his lap, his back to a tree.

"You youngsters need to find a hobby." He muttered, looking at his bowl, he saw he had missed a hunk of meat, fishing it out with his fingers he popped it into his mouth. Frowning he looked up at Aragorn.

"Aragorn, you might want to rethink you'r recipie, the meat has a funny tecture to it."

His gaze turned to Legolas across the fire. For some reason, the elf was staring at him with a mixture of horror, disgust and amusement.

"What?"

Gimili ask. Looking around, he saw everyone else looking at him with the same looks on their faces.

"Stop looking at me like a bunch of choking frogs and tell me. WHAT is wrong?"

"Gimili." Aragorn said weakly, looking like he might be sick.

"You just ate a slug."

"WHAT?!" Gimili jumped to his feet and ran in wild circles before crumpling to the ground rocking back and forth.

"That was a slug you..." Aragorn stopped as Gimili started moaning.

"I'm dying! This is it! I'm coming mama! I'm..."

Gimili was cut off as Legolas smacked smartly across the face.

"Get a grip on yourself dwarf. It's just a slug you are not dying. Now stop sniveling like a five year old and act like a grown up!"

Gimili, startled by the sudden outburst by the usually quiet elf, sat up.

"You've never eaten a slug."

He said slightly offended and put out.

"HA!"

Legolas spluttered.

"It was customary punishment for young elves who trumped through the gardens, to eat a slug from the garden they ruined. I have eaten more slugs then you ever will."

Gimili stared at him, his eyes bugging out of his head, standing, he turned and walked to the edge of the camp.

"I will never complain about eating a slug again!"

Legolas sat down with a sigh. Pippin sat down beside him.

"Did you really have to eat slugs?"

He asked his eyes almost as wide as Gimili's had been.

"No." Legolas whispered.

"I just wanted him to stop moaning about it. I once had to eat a earwig. A slug is nothing!"

Pippin stared at him, his jaw on the ground.

Grinning, Legolas pinched Pippin's lips together and went to his bed roll and lay down, lacing his fingers behind his head he closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey! Legolas! Come here!" Pippin's voice rang out across the camp, it was early morning everyone was just waking up. Legolas looked up from the fire, which he had been absentmindedly staring at, and sighed. "If he goes off into one of his stories about his distant reletives again I will go mad, I promise." With another sigh he heaved himself up and walked around the fire and to the edge of the camp where the hobbit was staring at something.

"What is it now Pippin?"

"Legolas! Look at this thing!" Pippin gestured to thing on the ground. Legolas glanced down, his eyes widened. There before his feet, was the biggest banana slug he had ever seen in his life. Streched out, it was about four inches long and about one and a half inches in diameter. Pippin looked at the elf who looked back at him. A wicked grin apeard on both their faces, Pippin was the first to speak. "Gimli's helmet?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of a boot."

"Ooh, yes!" Pippin pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and picked up the slug. "It's really squishy." He stated, a small look of revolsion on his face.

"Perfect. Imagian finding that in your boot."

I'd rather not." The two walked over to the still sleeping dwarf and slipped the slug into one of the waiting boots. Then, they slunk away snickering.

Gimli yawned, stretched and reached for his boots, putting on the first boot he looked around the camp, so far only Pippin, Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas were awake. Yawning again he pulled on his other boot, and felt and heard a squish like no other. He jerked his foot out of his boot, it was covered in slime and something else he didn't dare think about.

"Gimli? Are you alright?" Aragorn's voice jolted Gimli out of his thoughts. Looking up he saw Pippin and Legolas laughing so hard that Pippin was on the ground gasping like a fish.

"You infernal elf!" Gimli screamed. "What was that in my boot?"

"A banana slug." Came the gasping reply. Gimli screamed again and charged. But Legolas saw him comming, grabbed Pippin and clambered up a tree, there they sat, looking down at the enraged dwarf, who tried vainly to follow them up.

"You come down here right now! I'll kill you!

Eventually, Aragorn and Boromir managed to drag the flailing dwarf away from the tree. All of Gimli's shouting had awoken the rest of the companians by now, so they all decided to pack up amd move on. Though Gimli was quietly muttering plans for revenge and sending glares toward Legolas and Pippin. That night, after the two trouble makers returned from fetching water for stew, both found their blankets coated in tree sap, which took an hour each to wash out. All the while Gimli whistled a little tune and made a tally mark in his head. Elf, one, dwarf, one. Gimli smiled. "And so it begins."


End file.
